you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
