Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
my being single is dangerous.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
