Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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