don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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