The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
