hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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