Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
