You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
