I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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