It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
