Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
