Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
