I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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