That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Randomize
