We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
