I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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