Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
