i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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