Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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