no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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