i permit you to call me
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
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