This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
