I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
