I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
