Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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