You really coming over, don't trick.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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