I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
