Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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