The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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