ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
