Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
