My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
We need to get me chipped asap
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
