You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
