just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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