Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I don't deserve a penis
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
