You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
