I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
