found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I look excited, but its just a facade.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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