One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
