Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
