Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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