Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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