alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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