What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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