Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
