I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
