glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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