she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Small penises have feelings too.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Randomize
