just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
