Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
