The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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