Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
