I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
