I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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