At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
