I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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